Community

What is it and how do we become a part of one?

Growing up I was born straight into a pretty well established community. The fourth of five children with seven cousins most of similar ages and living in close proximity, my family (and extended family) was an immediate community. Coming along as number four, I also had existing structures of a playgroup, and later a youth group, that my mother, along with her friends (with kids the same age), established for their clan of children.

To be able to meet informally in the local church hall, have a cuppa and morning tea, have the toddlers play and run amok, was something they built themselves when they realised they needed it. This served them well, it was another tenet for their strong community bonds in the local parish and created long standing social continuity without pressure for the parents and social bonds for the small children also. It continued to serve for many, many years as some of them had subsequent babies. When I asked my mum about it recently, she reiterated what I knew to be true, that the playgroup was established as a space to regularly check in with and look out for ‘young and not so young mums’. The playgroup leaders would chat and offer support in any way they personally could or connect those in need with other community resources. As their eldest grew the youth group was thus created by the same mamas. A place where the parents could drop off their teens to the local hall on a Friday night for games, music and socialising, and my mother and her friends were again the dedicated volunteers supervising and making it all happen. I do remember that my mother and one of her best friends Maria were often having as much fun, if not more, than us kids. This memory makes me smile.

As I grow older I see more and more the necessity of community and connection for mums, dads and caregivers, for their entire wellbeing. Not only for them but the importance a sense of community has on children when it is felt by their parents. Well-supported parents have a sturdier centre, an increased capacity to parent with awareness, to provide care, love, connection, to their own children.

My mother is a builder of community. Naturally. Not all of us are. Or are we all at our core?

Also times have changed from the 90’s. Community is not so readily available, waiting for us to join. Or is it?

What is community?

It is belonging. It is being supported. It is knowing that someone will genuinely check in on you. It is connection. It is understanding. It is compassion. It is supporting each other. It is a helping hand. It is checking in on those in your circles or neighbourhood or town. It is sharing the ride of life, in day to day moments, or in sporadic ways or through consistently showing up. It is events, catch ups, chats over the garden fence or through the open windows as you pass on the dirt road you both live along. It is connecting.

It is nuanced, deep and simple.

At its core community is humanity in action. Living interconnectedly with others in ways that, although they may look simple; chatting to the produce grower each Saturday morning about whatever intriguing topic they bring up, sharing an excess meal with your neighbour, learning the name of those that serve you in a cafe or shop, they are not surface level.

Connecting with each other, really connecting as human beings, that is the precursor of community.

Now, how do we become part of a community?

Me, well like I said, I was born into one as a child, however that was and still is my parents community, not my own. It benefitted me to be part of a community like this growing up, but my community widened and individualised as I journeyed through life. For them, organised religion was very beneficial in building their community. Their local parish provided an infrastructure and group of people that were willing to connect with and then chose to support each other. The continuity of this longstanding community for them over 43 years together and for my mother since birth, provides a depth of connection that can be created over such timelines and spanning various life stages. My siblings and I have all such unique and different communities, not only to our parents but to each other. My world has changed since I was growing up, with organised religion featuring in the community of only a handful of those I know. Whilst I can see the value in it, particularly through my parents’ experience and the community they found there, it is not a necessity for finding community.

You might wonder how to even find a community to be a part of. Well, I feel that it all comes back to the connection piece. The more you connect with others, the more you will find out who you want to connect further with. Who you want to be in community with. This is a beautiful point to reflect on, you may not know the ‘who’ exactly or conversely you may have a strong desire to have a specific shared interest or value that your community is based on. I honestly feel we can all be in community if we each want it and action it. For some they may have to move to find it, however, I feel it is more about certain geographic locales allowing different people to be their true authentic self and thus being able to truly connect with others wherever it is that they are freer to do so.

Building community is all about BEING community. Community doesn’t exist without individuals, so it is up to us as individuals to connect with each other. To create the community we crave. I have often heard beautiful mamas that were longing for a community solve it by making it for themselves. I understand why this occurs and bow in awe to those mamas that do this but I wish it wasn’t a reality. The feeling of a lack of community, and our innate desire for it, becomes so apparent during the postpartum experience. It is when we should all be so supported by community and it feels so incredibly unnatural when we realise, in general, we aren’t. Building community starts with the individual yes, but ideally it is not left up to postpartum parents to have to single-handedly build it themselves in order to receive support from it.

Which individuals is it up to then to create community? All of us. The mamas yes, the papas, the caregivers, yes, yes, yes. They all KNOW the importance and necessity of well connected and supportive community for their family’s, and the wider community’s, wellbeing all too intimately. But it is also, if not more so, up to the non-child rearing individuals to step up; care for your friends with consideration and generosity when they are unwell, cook for your friends and their family, take their kids and dogs to the beach for the arvo for them, share excess garden produce, check in on each other, lend your strengths to what the community needs. The grandparents or grandfriends to offer connection and a chat, to give child care, reassurance or life stories.

We all benefit from living in community and we all have unique capacities, gifts, resources, passions and skills to offer each other. So it is up to each and every one of us to offer true connection to those in our world. Connect with those that you want to foster deeper connections with. Be real and authentic, you will find your people. A community can be small or big, its about the quality of support not the quantity but the main piece is that many willing and able hands make light work of building together a community that benefits all. If every single one of us pitch in, laying foundations of connection in our existing life, community will be born from that. Naturally.

My dear friends & I ~ lifelong members of each other’s communities.

Community will feature in a series of writings on this space I’m sure. It is an integral part of my life, work and purpose and is multilayered and dynamic in nature. It is a huge part of birthwork & work as a doula. I have incredibly rich community in two different areas where I’ve lived previously and am in the chapter of finding my place in a community that I hope to be a part of for a long time. I am currently exploring, learning about and connecting to a whole new and beautiful community here on Gumbaynggirr country.

What are your feelings around the notion of community? How did you find it, where are you looking and are you creating one? I’d love to hear what makes you feel in community or how you are experiencing the aching lack of one. Community is made up of all of us and I want the writings on this topics to be more than a single individual’s thoughts, to reflect the community at large. I welcome you to add your answers to these prompting questions (or any other words that you want to express) below in the comment thread to allow this conversation to grow between myself and you.

With warmth,

Hannah

Community as connection